Time is a valuable thing to waste. So is energy. Sometimes, you have to let go.

“A wise woman wishes to be no one’s enemy; a wise woman refuses to be anyone’s victim.”

Maya Angelou

As an adult, the older you become, the more you start to realize that time is valuable and energy can either drain you or sustain you.

What do you do with friendships or a friendship that should end and at what point do you end it?

Good question. Life just brought me to this topic again.

I believe that a healthy friendship should consist of,

  • Genuine Encouragement and Support. The “It’s going to be ok. You’re strong. You’ve got this. Yasss, girl. Let’s do this.” I believe that all women should encourage each other. No one is better than the next. Friendship is about fixing crowns and not tearing people down due to personal insecurities. Your friends should support you before outside people do. If it’s the opposite, that is not ok.
  • Consideration. The “Let me think about all that this person has going on before I make that decision, jump to that conclusion, decide this, behave that way, etc.”
  • Communication. The “Let me talk to my girl about this before I make an assumption. Let me talk to her/him if something is bothering me so that I know where we stand.”
  • Trust. The most valuable ruby of anything in life. Not just friendship. I need to know and feel that regardless of any situation, I can trust you. You are my safe.
  • Be Vicariously Happy or Sincerely Happy for Others. I remember my old pastor saying that for things to go right in your life or for you to be blessed with something, you have to first, learn how to be happy for other people, sincerely. A person who has your best interest is truly happy for you. You feel it, and it is there. Everything in life happens at different times, for different people. It is not always about us, and we have to allow other people to bask in their moment. Envy is detrimental to a friendship. Not to mention, it makes insecurity stick out like a sore thumb.
  • Growth. There has to be some growth in a friendship. Mentally and developmentally. It is impossible to have a healthy friendship if someone is a weight, lousy apple or if they are not making strides to grow. RE-EVALUATE
  • Understanding [empathy]. I have to feel as if I am valued and that we can understand and share the feelings of one another. Things should not be one-sided. Selfish tendencies ruin a friendship.
  • Consistency. How can you be friends with people who are not consistent? How can you trust that type of behavior? Ask yourself. How would you feel?
  • Positivity. We all understand that some days, you don’t feel like putting on a smile. Some days, you’re not you. That’s ok. You are entitled to feel that way sometimes. However, if it is more often than usual, you have to address it, or you will be sucked in. That is not healthy.
  • Fun. What’s a friendship without fun? Simple.
  • Security. “The state of being free from danger or threat.” You should always feel secure in your friendship and be open to a person having a variety of other members in their circle. Everyone can coexist. It’s a thin line between security and insecurity.
  • Acceptance. You will be too much for some people. Those are not your people. You should always feel comfortable being yourself.

There are other things to consider in a friendship, but to me, the above are fundamental. In life, if it stresses you more than it adds positivity, let it go. If you struggle with some of the core things above in a friendship, address it in a civilized way. If there is still strain, let it go.

When you experience some things, grow a little and start to appreciate how valuable life is, you begin to filter things that do not bring positivity to your life. It’s not always easy to do, but once you eliminate toxic elements, you will feel better in the long run.

Take a look at this video a good friend of mine shared with me.

I hope this has helped you!

Love,

Dominique